I read a little bit of a book today called "the Five Love Languages". Before the author got into the 5 languages, he explained the phase of falling "in love" and the realistic "love" that must occur when the initial stages of infatuation decrease. In other words, the first 2 years (on average) of a relationship are completely different from knowing what it means to really love someone. In the head- over- heels stage, anything negative about the other person seems so small. You have fallen in love and there is no better feeling in the world. What people don't seem to understand is that there is a time when you do realize things about the other person that you may not like. There is a time when you will start arguing and may not feel so "in love" as you did before. We are all led to believe that love is perfect and everything is easier once you have found your soul- mate. That is far from the truth. It takes hard work and effort to keep even the best couple together. I liked the way the author put it. He said that there will come a day when you realize that hair covers the sink and tiny white marks are on the mirror. Once life takes over, the "love" you used to have may feel completely different. What we must do is learn to love the other person for who they truly are. Sad, mad, insecure, weak, angry, grumpy... whatever it may be. Once you have committed yourself to another person, its no longer about you or how happy you are to have someone who loves you, or how wonderful you feel when you are with that person. Now, it is about loving the other person. Being there for them no matter what the situation is. Not looking at what happened yesterday, but forgiving them and moving on to today. I have never thought about it quite like this before. We really are selfish people, naturally. However, in a relationship, you must realize that you are the other person's support. The amount of happiness that the relationship brings you should not be your focus, but how much happiness you can bring your partner. So, if you are someone who says "I'm just not happy anymore" try not thinking so much about yourself. What can you do for the person you love? How can you support, encourage, and truly love them to your fullest? If both partners do this, imagine how happy both will be! I, for one, am going to make an effort to challenge my old views on our relationship by really focusing on Bryan and what he needs and feels. Sometimes i feel like Bryan tries so hard to make me happy. And yes, I do spend a lot of time making him happy as well. However, I am determined to stop looking at every little thing that i am not exactly thrilled about and focus on him and what he needs from me. I have told him so many times that i want to be the best wife i possibly can be. And before we get married, my goal is to make this happen while i am still the fiance :)
